Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
