my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
