You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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