i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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