This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
