Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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