I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
