I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
