it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
