I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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