So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
