literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You ruined the universe
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
