I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
