oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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