so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
