If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
