Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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