like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
