left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
