I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
