In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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