i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
