So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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