I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
