last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
