so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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