laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
