i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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