Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
