Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
