C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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