I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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