I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Someone came in the potted fern
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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