HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
