and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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