her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
