For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
