Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
