where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
