u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
