We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
