Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
