Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
do herpes really smell.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
