just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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