So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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