hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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