did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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