What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
