Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
