if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize