I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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