Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
