i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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