Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
