They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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