I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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