She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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