You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
