Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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