she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
