Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
