I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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