They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
