I want to walk on stilts...naked
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
