took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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