I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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