Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
