that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
