She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
