My room smells like vodka and shame
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
