We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize