she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
