At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
